GREAT APES: Never Tear Us Apart 🙅🏽

🎸🪵🔥

Slow Descent has a marvelous, gooey treat for you today: a guitar-man cover of the 18th most Australian song of all time, Never Tear Us Apart. Note that we’ve changed the name of this cover series from the unwieldy “What Exactly Is Covered” to “Great Apes.” (It’s a double entendre, you see? 😉) We believe that, if nothing else, the new title fits better in the subject line of SDIR’s email edition.

Now I (Chris) want to talk to Keith a bit about today’s aping.

Keith, a couple of numbers I want to throw at you, all concerning this fine acoustic cover you’ve delivered. Never Tear Us Apart was the fourth single from INXS’s sixth studio album, Kick, where it occupies the eighth slot in the track list (that’s right, precisely where Less From You sits on Lobes!) NTUA was not a number one hit, despite its enduring legacy — it peaked at seven on the Billboard Hot 100 and at 24 on the U.K. charts. In 2018, Australian radio station Triple M dubbed it the 18th “most Australian” song of all time as part of their “Ozzest 100” list (absurdly, none of our songs were chosen), and in 2021, RollingStone called it #282 of the “Top 500 Best Songs of All Time.” Now… does ANY of that mean ANYTHING to you????

KEITH: I’m not some guy who got into the music business to crunch a bunch of numbers — that‘s what We Are Scientists have a squadron of accountants for. Look, INXS deserves whatever accolades they may receive, and if we’ve got to create ranking systems because we lack the means to express our appreciation for their music, so be it.

While it seems to go without saying that INXS are the *best* Australian band (their closest competition being maybe The Grates? Youth Group?), it’s pretty silly to suggest that NTUA is even in the Top 40 most-Australian songs, given that The Chats have at least that many, and each one is far more “Australian” than any INXS song, by a factor of like 20. So, yeah, it sounds like we’re just inventing accolades to give to INXS, which is totally fine by me!

CHRIS: Hard agree about the quality of INXS — what a band. I just watched the video, and now it’s all I can think about. I thought maybe some people who subscribe to our newsletter would be doing so because they actually CAN’T watch video content at home — maybe their parent or guardian won’t let them, maybe their internet is too slow, maybe they are in fact blind and this is being read to them — so I thought I’d describe what I saw when I watched the video. I wrote this in real time while viewing, and my words became a sort of mediocre poem (about as good as the video is a video, I’d say). In case you haven’t seen it in a while, Keith, this might be a nice refresher for you, too. Here’s what I saw; let me know if you have any reactions:

Panning around a courtyard. A bad guard is ambling. 

Now we’re on a riverbank mid-morning. It’s a little foggy; big time dreary. 

A man! He walked right past the camera, unawares.

Oh, a string trio, seated on the bank! 

And now our guy Michael Hutchense(sp?)

He’s begloved — then it's cold. 

He walks right past a couple embracing, and a guy smoking against a tree. 

Now we’re on a bridge! A lady looks vampy, locks eyes with the camera, so she’s a character. 

Closeup of a guitar. 

Michael now at night

Now it’s day and he’s sulking near the bridge

The lady is walking weirdly, stiff-legged steps that aren’t dancing, around the bridge

An old man! New character! Hope we see him more

Close-up of the guitar when we get that blues lick that comes after each chorus

Oh, sax solo! The saxist is in a graveyard somehow (ref to a dead instrument?)

Michael has walked RIGHT past the thirst trap on the bridge — they aren’t meant to be 

A clock with no hands? (Or a plate on a building’s facade?)

The city square is now full (somehow that's new)

KEITH: Well, that sounds pretty good! Very arty, very suggestive. It reminds me of some of the better student films I’ve seen in my day, and I’ve seen a lot — I minored in media studies, you know. Look, music videos may well be the most important art form we have.  We could probably spend an entire semester in a film theory course at a small liberal arts college dissecting this video, and we probably should, at some point. But we’re running long, now, and what our readers want (surely!) is to simply luxuriate in the essence of INXS - this song, preferably performed on an acoustic guitar, with me on lead vocals.

CHRIS: Great point. We’ll leave you, readers, with the lyric sheet, in case you need help singing along. As always, these were created by transcription, listening carefully to Keith’s recording and typing out what I heard.

Never Tear Us Apart

by INXS

Don’t ask me

What, Genoa’s true?

Doh! NAFTA tell you:

I love you precious bod

I, I withstanding

Ewe are there

Two worlds colliding

And they could never tear us apart

Weak’d live

for a Athau’s in-years

Bah-dip-bop her chew

I may climb

from yo tiers

I towed you

The Weeknd died

Zwi all have wigs

Butts on the bus

Don’t know why

I was Stan Dinn

You were their

two worlds, Caladi,

and Nakenebbah

Ever terrace a par?

I, I was Stan Dinn

You are their

two worlds, Caladi,

and Nakenebbah Terrace Apah.

I was Stan Dinn

You were their

two worlds, Caladi,

and Nakenebbah

Ever terrace a par?

Oi! Mate…

Today’s “oi” goes out to our mate Orbette — this may not be Orbette’s name — it’s Orbette’s email address, and that's all we know of Orbette. Well, the email address, and that Orbette is among our very generous paid subscribers, each of whom is helping us to get in the right “head space” to create art most days, by funding our booze. No, not every creative-type needs to be buzzed in order to practice their trade, but we sure like it. Just two days ago, in fact, we did some great work outside McSorley’s Tavern in the East Village, and Orbette’s membership fees bought Chris this lovely double-serving of ale. Oi, Orbette, mate… Fanks!

If you’d like to buy Chris and Keith a round, the easiest way by far (you don’t even have to leave your home!) is to become a paid member of Slow Descent Into Radness.

Thanks for the read & listen! We’ll be back this weekend to report on the great sacrifice that we’re making tomorrow(!) in order to serve you, our loyal readers. Until then, dream big, but settle for medium.

🏚,

Keith & Chris