When DJs Destroy Weddings (🔊 a Stoop Chat)

🔈🔉🔊🙉😩😫😖

Part two in a series that began with Sunday’s frank coverage of Bruno Mars — his gambling debts, the lyrics that have gotten him banned at weddings — today we sift through that last post’s reader comments and take a closer look at the music of matrimony. What songs reliably ruin a wedding party? Which, like Mars’s “Locked Out of Heaven,” are so lyrically compromised as to be unsafe for child guests? And what happens when artists who have come to depend on royalties from wedding DJs stop getting played altogether (Van Morrison👀)?

Join us for a protracted and meandering — but ultimately piercing — discussion of these and other questions.

WARNING: THIS CHAT CONTAINS LYRICS BY O-TOWN, BEL BIV DEVOE, AND COLOR ME BADD — LISTENER DISCRETION IS ADVISED 🚨

Oi! Mate…

It’s been a brimming minute since last we took the opportunity to thank you paid subscribers for filling our flagons. Let that not suggest we’ve been buying our own booze. On the contrary, through your generous contributions, we’ve avoided personally paying for a drink since this substack started over a year ago. We hope the results — in the form of posts like today’s overlong, increasingly slurred discussion — speak for themselves. Please know that our commitment to drinking every last penny of dues remains as firm today as it was on launch.

And now let us take a moment to thank two of our noble subs by name. Oi! JudithConnor2012… thanks, mate. Judith, there we were, sober as a couple of saints, and on a deadline — we had to record a Stoop Chat, and damned if we’d do it dry. So Keith dipped into his digital wallet and dug out the monthly dues you’ve sent us since December of last year, and with them he purchased a truly delightful pilsner, the kind that fizzes and flicks bits of sunlight back at you and flows down your throat and all that. And boy oh boy, did Chris get jealous! Thank god for Tetis1970. Oi! Tetis1970… thanks, mate. It was the annual membership fees you’ve sent us since November of 2022 that allowed Chris to plunk down for one of his own pilsners, and then to purchase two more, which sustained us through the hour-plus chat. Truly clutch; we thank you much.

(If you’re a free subscriber who thinks buying us a beer every month or so sounds like fun, you can look into it here.)

STARTING THIS WEEKEND: We’ve got the demos for every song on TV en Français, and over the next few weeks, leading up to the 10th anniversary deluxe release on May 10th, we’ll post them here along with our own incontrovertible analysis.

In the meantime, don’t forget your exercises! Humanity depends on your achievement!

🥗🍇🧇,

Chris & Keith