J.A.N.O.R. S.W.A.B.W.O.s: Radical Test Protocol Engaged 👽🎶😵

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We’re known here at SLOW DESCENT INTO RADNESS for our polish, poise, precision, volubility, and the care we take with readers, never throwing them into the deep end, never asking them to swim before we see their SWIM CERTIFICATE and ideally a couple of junior medals 🏅🏆, but we contain multitudes, certainly are not to be trusted, & so without further ado…………

KEITH: Chris, despite (or perhaps because of) the fact that our discussion of janor swabwos ended in academic shame for me, I’m not done interrogating the theme. I need to get closer to the truth. To that end, I decide to pursue musicologist Noel Gallagher’s theory of pop songwriting — the one that suggests that a “hit” (by which, I’m extrapolating despite our prior demonstration that I lack any facility at doing so, he means a song with big hook (aka not a janor swabwo)) can live credibly (and can perhaps even flourish) when played in the solo acoustic format.  

So, in a bit of an experiment, I’ve translated two of the songs that we seemed to agree were janor swabwos: “Slow Down” (although the prospect of this became dicier toward the end of our chat) and “Search And Destroy.” Please take a listen to these two solo acoustic versions and let me know which (if either) of these songs survives the Noel Gallagher Janor Swabwo-Whittling Test.

CHRIS: Oh, jeez, damn! In my opinion, this trial definitely shows that The Noel Gallagher Acoustic Test is NOT a reliable predictor of janor swabwo status. Here you’ve taken two exemplary, quintessential, bona fide janors, and you’ve turned them into delightful solo-acoustic ditties. 

I guess at this point I feel most sorry for Noel Gallagher. He could really have used a p.r. win right now, what with the whole “dynamic pricing” fiasco currently buffeting the HMS Gallagher. Imagine if his Acoustic Test proved to be the decisive detection method for janor swabwos?!?!?! It just doesn’t get much better than that, in terms of securing “legend” status for the rest of eternity. Alas, it appears his legacy is cemented: very fine songwriter, all-time great brother-squabbler, & enemy of the working class fan. 

Let’s see what our discerning and thoughtful readership makes of these fresh results.

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Make sure to check out Monday’s post, “Slow Down (Demo Version),” if you don’t know what the fuck any of this means.